Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
Don't worry, bee happy!
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
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