What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
Why is it so difficult to sell a toy zebra.
You can never find the barcode.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What happens to great actors? They get nominated for an a-cat-emy award!
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
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