What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
When the farmer died, all his chickens were sold to the highest bidder.
They would have preferred to stay on the farm, but auctions speak louder than birds.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
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