What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
Something’s goat to give.
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
What do you get when a dinosaur sneezes? Out of the way!
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
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