How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
Crows have 16 feather pinions and ravens have 17 pinions. It's just a matter of a pinion.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What's a Koalas favorite drink? Coca Koala!
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
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