What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
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