What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
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