Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle.
I had a shell of a time.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Which Halloween treat is going to keep a crow up all night? A crowfee apple.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
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