What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
You must be the Easter Bunny, because you’ve got me all egg-cited.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
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