What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
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