Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
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