Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
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