What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
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