Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
What is a koala’s favorite pop singer? Koala Rae Jepsen. Her most popular song? “Koala Me Maybe”.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
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