Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
What did one frog say.to the other?
Time's sure fun when you're having flies.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
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