Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
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