What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
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