What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
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