What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
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