How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
What’s a horse’s favorite country singer?
Colt-on Underwood.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What did the Mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
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