How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What do you get if you cross an alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I will not smell it!
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
What do llamas call the end of the world?
Llamageddon.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
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