Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
Why was the little bee sent to bed without supper?
Because he wouldn't beehive.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
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