How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
What did the deer say after he finished eating?
“That was deer-licious!”
What animal can go into a tiger’s den and came out alive?
The tiger.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
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