Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
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