It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
The guy nearly saw a murder when he almost ran over his car over a couple of crows.
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
How did the pony get the bugs away?
It said, horse-shoo fly, don’t bother me.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
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