What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
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