Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
All these years of technological developments and I still haven’t seen a colour photo of a zebra.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
When does a sloth go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
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