Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Where do bats go to gamble?
Bat-lantic City.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
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