What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on that worm this morning. You should have seen it, it looked genuinely crushed.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What is a gorillas favourite ice cream flavour.
Chocolate chimp.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
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