What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
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