Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Some people like to play croc-quet.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
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