Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
Something’s goat to give.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
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