How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
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