Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning? "Excuse Me... ahem... To be or not to be roasted, that is the question!"
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
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