What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What do you call a fight between squirrels?
A squarrel
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
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