What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
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