Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
I like you, you croc my world.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
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