What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Did you hear about the rabbit who refused to leave her house? She was having a bad hare day.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
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