If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
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