Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
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