In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
Why wasn’t the giraffe invited to the party?
He was a pain in the neck.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
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