Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
Branch dressing.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
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