What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
How will a crow with a cold fever sound like? Caw-ph, Caw-ph.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
A pork chop.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
Go to BabaMail
