Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
Whatever floats your goat.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
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