"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
Did you hear about the gorilla with a screw loose?
He needed to use a money wrench to tighten it.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
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