Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a llama?
A turtle-neck sweater.
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
Goat milk?
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
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