What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
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