In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What's an albino crow called? A caw-casian.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
What did the bear say when he got a joke? He just bear-ly had a chuckle!
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
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