What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?
A drama dairy.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
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