What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
Q. After the stripper is done, what happens at a stag party?
A. Deer-ty dancing.
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
A gang of ravens scared off individual crows and cornered them together. Well, you can say that a conspiracy of ravens preplanned a murder of crows.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
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