The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Where do bats keep their money? The blood bank!
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
What did the squirrel say when his tail got caught in the door?
...It won’t be long now!
What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
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