Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
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