I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
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