The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
Goat milk?
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
I met this really beautiful crustacean, but I lobst her number.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
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