What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
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