Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
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