Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Where do horses get their mane cut?
The hair-dressager.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What's a frog's favorite game?
Croak-et.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
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