What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the 'p' is silent
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What do crows read? Cawmics.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What is the first thing that gorillas learn at kindergarten?
Apey Cee's?
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Q. Which doe did all the stags and bucks sing about in the 1960s?
A. Deer Prudence.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
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