What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
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