What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
How do you catch a unique bunny? Unique up on it.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Did you hear about the croc calling the frog? He just croc-o-dialled.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
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