Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Why was the little bear so spoiled?
Because its mother panda’d to its every whim!
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.