What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
What is it called when a dinosaur hits a homerun?
A Dino-Score.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
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