What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
Why did the duck cross the road?
Because there was a quack in the sidewalk.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
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