What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
What happens when an alligator drives a boat?
He becomes a navigator.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
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