What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
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