Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
Where do you get frog's eggs?
At the spawn shop.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
What's a camel's favorite part of a meal?
Desert!
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Because they’re wrigleys!
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
What is a beaver's most favorite song ever? You made me a, you made me a beaver, beaver.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish.
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
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