What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
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