I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
What does a skunk’s car run on?
Fumes.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
Why did the beaver stop cutting down trees?
The work gave him gnawsea
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
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