What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
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