What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Why are parrots so good at imitations? They love parrot-y! (parody)
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
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