Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What's better than a talking dinosaur ? A spelling bee. What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try-Try-Try-ceratops.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Why couldn't anyone see the flamingo? It was in de skies.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
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