Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Why don’t giraffes make good pets?
They’re too high maintenance.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
What kind of shark is always gambling?
A card shark.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
Why are tigers said to be religious? Because they frequently prey with all their family members.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
What do you call an ant that doesn’t get warm?
Coolant.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
I asked what the lion in my wardrobe was doing.
He said it was Narnia business
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
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