Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What is a koala’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the halls with boughs of holly, koala-la-la-la, la-la-la-la!!!
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
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