Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What type of sandals do frogs wear?
Open-toad!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
There is nothing impaws-sible if you’re as brave as a tiger!
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
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