What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't eat, drink, or even walk? A computer mouse.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
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