Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
here do lobsters go to borrow money? The prawn broker.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers?
It’s filled with liti-gators.
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