How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
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