Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road?
To prove that he wasn't chicken.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
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