I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
A sunburned murder of crows is referred to as 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What’s a shark’s favorite bible story?
Noah’s Shark.
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Rump-a.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
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