What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up? Try and try and try and try-ceratops
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?
“Mama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl?
An alley-gator!
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
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