Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
Why do chickens rinse their mouth out with soap?
Because of all the fowl language.
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
My girlfriend and I saw an inflatable gorilla In front of a jacuzzi store
She asked me why they would do that for a jacuzzi store. I told her it was a guerilla tactic. She was not impressed.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
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