Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
A boy sees an alligator in the zoo and shouts,
“Hey, are you a caiman?”
The alligator replies, “I’m alright, thanks, kid!”
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
A chap sees a zebra sitting on a seat beside him in the cinema eating popcorn. He says “what are you doing here?” The zebra says, “well, I enjoyed the book”.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
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