What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What do you get if you cross a lobster with a telephone?
A snappy talk.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
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