How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What do you call a shark that can’t stop singing “U Cant Touch This?”
An M.C. Hammerhead.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t eat, drink, or even walk?
A computer mouse.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
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