What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
I like you, you croc my world.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
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