Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
What did the llama say when he found out he had been robbed?
“I’ve been fleeced!”
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Did you hear about the two silkworms that were in a race? They wound up in a tie.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
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