Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo?
A booffalo.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What do you get when you cross a parrot with a shark?
An animal that talks your head off.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
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