Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What mouse was a Roman emperor?
Julius Cheeser!
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
Why did the shark cross the great barrier reef?
To get to the other tide.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
My flamingo friends are always making me pay for dinner. I find that they can be real cheepskates.
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
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