What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
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