Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Why doesn't McDonald's serve escargot? Because it's not fast food.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
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