Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A turkey that can pluck itself!
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
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