Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
What’s the difference between a fly and an eagle?
An eagle can fly but a fly cannot eagle.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
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