What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What do llamas do when they eat outside together?
They have an alpacanic.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
The reason the cow wore a bell around her neck was because her horn didn’t work anymore.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?
Camelmile
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
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