What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
You have goat to be kidding me.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.
It had its ups and downs.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
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