What do you call a flying turtle?
A shellicopter.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
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