I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
B-Itchy
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What is a deer’s favorite meal?
Deer-ner!
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly good jumper.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
What do stylish frogs wear?
Jumpsuits.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
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